Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
