That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
