you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
