Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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