Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
