I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
