hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize