Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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