Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
