im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
