Too much gin, very little bucket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Houston, we have a blender
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize