so let's talk penis.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
