There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
