Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So squirting runs in the family.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
