We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
