3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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