1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize