i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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