god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
