Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
