On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize