i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
