now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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