So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
