What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
