Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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