i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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