I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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