This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
