the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
