just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
