That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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