Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize