i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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