The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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