Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
