i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
