Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
