My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
