first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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