New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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