Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
