Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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