if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Boobs speak an international language.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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