a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
