I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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