I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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