So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
