I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
