Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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