Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
