Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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