roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
