"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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