You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
