The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
