then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
