Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
