Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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