just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
