My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize