I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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