she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I checked into jail on foursquare
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
