the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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