Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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