What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
