So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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