don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
