I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
