why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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