By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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