If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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