how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
