so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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