I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
