forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
