I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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