im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
