I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
