i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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