I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
