Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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