cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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