Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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