I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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