I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
