We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
