He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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